I Believe In Change

(This post might be a little similar from before)

It is DEFINITELY difficult for ANYONE to survive in a society who shuns them.

It is DEFINITELY difficult for ANYONE to be able to smile while being mocked at,

It is DEFINITELY difficult for ANYONE to be able to stand proud 

and walk through a crowd of people who judge them and criticize their behaviour.

It is difficult indeed, and I know how much it hurts you.

I've been there before in this pair of shoes that I once wished to dispose of. 

I was mocked, laughed at and judged as well. 

All this, because THEY think it's a sin. 

Oh, how unfair it is to judge one other person entirely based on a holy book 

especially since each person has different beliefs. 

Oh how unfair it is just because of our differences that we became the target of bullying. 

I was a target as well, even though it was nothing serious, 

but it made me feel so terrible that I felt like taking my own life.

Little did I know, I had more friends who stood beside me, on-line AND real life. 

1 friend, 2 friends...3....4....5..? 

It's not a curse no more, it's more like a gift because it made me closer to my friends, 

friends who love me and who are understanding of my position. 

Back then, I felt so ashamed of myself, 

I felt so lonely and I just felt like disposing of myself because I felt so pathetic, 

all because of HIS mockery. 

 So let's review our history shall we?

What is normal in our society?
Left-handed people were once viewed as sinister,
Blacks were once slaves,
and women were treated as a second class citizen.

I have to say that there are still more that needs to be done
to remove discrimination throughout the world,
however,
if discrimination among left-handed people, blacks and women
is slowly declining,
I don't see why it can't happen to homosexuality as well. 

When I first came out, it felt like a huge weight has been lifted. 

My life and my future in this university all depended on my friends' reaction at those particular moments.
Fortunately, they were accepting and tried to understand more about me.

Since then, 

I felt SO MUCH happier and the amount of times I cry each week decreased a whole lot, 

and the laughters from the bottom of my heart became sincere. 

I am very proud of my friends who actually tried to understand more about me 

since most of the people in the society do not even bother to understand and try to judge others.

Being Gay is not a curse if you are able to accept yourself and embrace it.
Being Gay is just one part of who you are and it does not determine your personality. Being Gay is a gift, if you are able to see the bright lights instead of the dark. 

I am who I am ever since I've met you and I've never changed my sexuality. 

If that one part of me disgusts you, then it is your loss. 

The fact that I'm living in an Islamic country, it's even harder on me. 

However, thinking positively is always the best way to struggle through these problems around me. 

Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to hold hands with the one I love without the mockery of society. 

Hopefully, one day, my parents will understand and accept that I AM gay and stop being in denial.
Hopefully, one day, in the future, people will look back into history and think how pathetic it was back then. 

Be kind to one another.

Dear Mother...Dear Father...

Tears glittered down her cheeks,

during one evening as the sun setted.

Her eyes were filled with emotions,

and her hands...shaking and hesitating.

There stood a little boy,

with his tears dripping down onto the floor,

his visions...blurred,

and his legs...all red.

It's as if just a blink of an eye,

that boy turned over a new leaf. 

Memories of his past started to peep in,

as he looked through the article he received.

He wanted to cry so much,

in guilt of how he behaved,

remembering his past,

and remembering her expression.

Neither a smoker, nor a drug addict.

Neither a bully nor a blacklisted.

Neither a problematic student, nor a gangster.

He was just an average child, probably just like you.

However, 

he was glad he was punished so that he learns right from wrong.

No loving mother will ever want to hurt her child,

No loving mother will ever want to see her child cry,

No loving mother will ever leave their children astray,

No loving mother will ever teach their child to hate.

Dear mother,

Dear father,

I've grown up so much, 

starting to understand the value of each person.

Dear mother,

Dear father,

I've grown up so much,

trying to spread love and happiness.

Dear mother,

Dear father,

I've always been the way I was,

will you ever accept me...

Just the way I am?

Dear mother,

Dear father,

I've went through lots of struggles,

trying to accept myself.

Sooner or later, 

I might hurt you once more,

because I know you are in denial,

and it's depressing for you, but it's true.

Dear mother,

Dear father,

It is just a part of me,

will you ever accept me?

I don't want to see you cry ever again...

LGBT Pride Month (Embracing Your True-self)

What a total difference it is,

to be closeted or open...

I used to be depressed and suicidal just a week ago,

thinking that nearly every single person in my life

will never accept the way I am,

and thinking that they will criticize me.

A lot has happened the past week,

after peeking out of the closet.

I feel much better, even better about myself,

and I feel happier and free to do as I want.

I've recently embraced who I am...

All those struggles I've been through,

all those tears I've dropped,

seemed so meaningless when I realized that it doesn't matter at all

if I'm Gay or not.

Because that is just a part of me.

Morals, personality and attitude are what matters the most,

and I hope one day my parents will realize this,

and how exhausted I feel just because of this difference I have.

And I could feel it,

every single time the time the word "Gay", "Lesbian" or "transgender" is uttered,

they have disgusted looks on their faces,

and to them, it's wrong.

My friends used to say I don't have a sincere laughter and that I'm sad,

however, recently, I've been laughing from the deepest of my heart,

and it feels so much better to be surrounded with positivity.

I'm so thankful to my online friends who have supported me through this journey,

and I hope I can support them in any way possible as well.

Maybe many will disagree with me with what I'm about to say,

however, this is how I feel, and I think it's an important message.

I'm glad that I am gay,

because it made me more sensitive about other people's feelings,

it made me more caring,

and that one person's difference can make him/her unique,

in his or her own way.

I'm glad that I am gay,

compared to my family and maybe even my friends,

transphobia never existed within me.

To me, they are the bravest people of all,

because they are willing to embrace who they are,

despite the controversy.

I'm glad that I am gay,

because if I wasn't gay,

I would not be who I am right now,

and would not have learned all this through my journey.

Lastly,

I'm glad that I am gay,

because I have a very close friend that has helped me all through my struggles

and listened to all my problems

and I really thank her for this (So Chii).

Reach out! No Bullying!
No Sexism! No Racism! No Homophobia! No Transphobia!
No Discrimination!
(Designed by So Chii)

Fran Dreschur: "My life is all about turning negatives into positives"

Ellen Degeneres: "Be kind to one another"

And I'm trying to do the same.